I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
