It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
is that a dick in a sweater?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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