And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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