no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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