dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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