I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
