whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
