ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
