My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
