is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
