I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I am one with the molecules
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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