no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Operation Purity has been aborted
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
