somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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