I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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