You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
