Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
