For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
