News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
