Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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