OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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