You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
