Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
