I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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