I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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