I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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