her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
