Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
