He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just gargled with NyQuil
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
