Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
