Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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