i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
