you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
