Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You can't special order awesome
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
