Ambien. No doubt about it.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
