I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
