where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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