Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
