I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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