i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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