too bad you live with your parents still
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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