You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
