I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
