I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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