I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Randomize
