i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Randomize
