You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize