this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
