Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
