Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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