Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
