I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize