i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
