College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
