i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
