the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
