I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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