I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
