either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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