why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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