Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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