If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
