i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize