I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
