I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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