I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
