I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
