Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
she pinky promised me she was 18
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
