Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize