If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
