My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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