So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
