I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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