dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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